Need a bit of help

[emjen]

Hello

I'm going to have to apply to film school before valentines day. That means get my work done etc. Now, I dont have enough footage of short films etc so I will enter with a script (two is max). I had exams the last two weeks so i havent got around to work much on them.

Why I'm posting: you could help me alot telling which script i should be focussing on. I've only got like three going on right now.

The first: a boy in an oldfashioned english family is born without a conscience, and is send to the most strict school to teach him some manners. (temporary slugline)

The 2nd: a Teenage dude doesn't know he's an angel until he turns 18. When he does he has to do things. (yes i ran out of ideas. He will get wings eventually though)

The third (a short): a teenage boy wants to be a hitman so badly he shoots his own friends in the end, just so that he got the feeling of being a hitman. (he listens to music from the 80's too)

I've got more ideas but these three are the ones I've proceded on the most.

Here are the first 10 pages of the FIRST:

INT. GRANDMA?S HOUSE ? DAY

Typical grandparents house with old furniture. A Grandmother is talking to her grandchild in the living room. Grandma has an old book on her lap.

GRANDMA
Have you heard the tale of the unfortunate one?

LITTLE GIRL
No grandma.

GRANDMA
They say he comes to us every thousand years. He can?t help it himself. He brings down plagues and oblivion on himself and everyone around him. No one knows where he comes from, and what his purpose is.

GRANDMA opens the old book and flips through it. She shows an old picture of a biblical figure.

GRANDMA
Look.
(she taps on the picture)
This man is one of the unfortunate. Do you see his sad eyes, and the way the other people pity him but also avoid him?

LITTLE GIRL
Uh-hmm.

GRANDMA (V.O.)
This man is born without the most precious gift of all gifts? conscience. A person without conscience is a person without feelings. He can?t tell the difference between right or wrong, what?s good and what?s not, what other people might feel. He can get hurt, physically. Through trial and error he might also learn some dignities of the social world. But he would have to think about them the whole time, and when he thinks he misses the most important thing of thinking: his conscience. There is nothing to rationalize his thoughts, so he will act the way he feels is right. This is a circle of thoughts. It begins with the end and ends with the beginning. He can?t feel what?s right so what will he do? He will probably take the easiest way.

ON SCREEN: THE BOOK, grandma flips through the pages and the pictures of the unfortunate appear.

PICTURE 1: The Unfortunate One in the middle of the page, the crowd around him pitying him. Very Jesus-like.

PICTURE 2: The Unfortunate One begging for bread in the shadows.

PICTURE 3: The Unfortunate One stealing fruit from a garden. He?s not secretly stealing fruit, he does it in front of two guards who are surprised by this.

PICTURE 4: The Unfortunate One touching breasts of a woman on the street.

LITTLE GIRL
Grandma?

GRANMDA
Yes hon?

LITTLE GIRL
Can I have a lollipop?

INT. OLD FASHIONED ENGLISH HOME ? DAY

A house of two old fashioned and neat parents, everything is clean and tidy. Expensive house. Everything is placed exactly like it should, by inches.

FATHER, a neat man, 45 years old, is watching TV in a neat and comfortable chair. He?s watching a B&W movie from the 50?s and smiles. A happy man he is.

INT. KITCHEN

The kitchen is just as neat and tidy as the living room. A young 6 year old boy, EDWARD, is sitting at the kitchen table with a napkin and an empty plate in front of him.

MOTHER is making sandwiches. PREGNANT. She?s wearing a dress and a white spotless apron. She?s the tidiest and neatest woman you?ve ever seen.

MOTHER
(places the sandwich on EDWARDS table)
Here you are Edward.

EDWARD
Thank you mother. May I proceed?

The kid is awfully polite for a 6 year old.

MOTHER
You may.

EDWARD
Thanks mother. You are the kindest.

MOTHER smiles softly. She walks to FATHER.

MOTHER
Charles, I?ve made you a cheese sandwich, the way you like it best. Cheese and half butter.

FATHER
(turns off the TV)
Well thank you, madam. You truly are a blessing.

MOTHER takes a seat on the couch and starts looking happily at the room. FATHER turns on the TV again and eats his sandwich.

EDWARD (O.S)
It was delicious, mother.

CUT TO

EXT. SCHOOLYARD ? DAY

School?s just out. Parents (only mothers) are waiting on their children. The yard is very clean and all the parents look like they have a high social status. The doors open and the children WALK out, two by two. MOTHER waits for EDWARD.

EDWARD
Hello mother.

MOTHER
Hello Edward. How was your day?

They walk to the car.

EDWARD
It was splendid mother. I learned a lot today. And I have the result of last weeks test.

MOTHER
What did you get?

EDWARD
An eight mother.

MOTHER
Edward that?s very good. I am so proud of you.

WOMAN (O.S)
Adela? Adela!

MOTHER turns around to see a WOMAN rushing up to her.

MOTHER
Well hello! How are you doing Ethel?

ETHEL
Fine just fine. Say, how?s the baby?

MOTHER
I?m scheduled for next month.

ETHEL
Well golly gosh. Your second child. Are you expecting a boy or a girl?

MOTHER
I was hoping a girl to be honest, but it wouldn?t really matter. Each child of mine is my child. It will receive all my love nonetheless.

It?s surprising how formal they?re speaking to each other.

ETHEL
Well it was nice chatting with you. Bye Adela.

MOTHER
Bye Ethel.

CUT TO

INT. CAR ? DAY

MOTHER
Say, Edward?

EDWARD
Yes mother?

MOTHER
You know you?ll be getting a little brother or sister soon, don?t you?

EDWARD
Yes mother.

MOTHER
And what do you think of that?

EDWARD
Oh mother, a little brother will be the best! I will have someone to play with!

MOTHER
(smiles)
Edward, a baby needs a lot of attention. You know that?

EDWARD
Yes mother.

MOTHER
Good.

CUT TO

INT. OLD FASHIONED ENGLISH HOME ? DAY

MOTHER, is giving birth to a baby! A nurse is helping her deliver the baby. FATHER stands in the background waiting anxiously.

The NURSE?S face makes a change. She sees the CHILD COMING OUT.

It?s quiet. They?re waiting for the NURSE?S respond. Then the BABY suddenly starts CRIEING and the NURSE smiles. She gives the baby to MOTHER.

FADE OUT

FADE IN:

INT. BEDROOM ? DAY

A young boy, COLE (13), sitting on his bed, ARGUING PARENTS in the background.

COLE (V.O.)
(talking quick, English Irish accent)
Hello. My name is Cole. I get into trouble a lot. I can?t help it. My parents can?t. No one can. Don?t know why. I get punished a lot. They tell me I need to think before I act. But I keep doing it over and over again. But I don?t know what I?m doing wrong. I?m just doing. Don?t have many friends. Had them but lost them. My dog didn?t even like me. And now my parents are talking about me again. I think I did something they didn?t like. But I can?t tell exactly what.

The door flies open and COLE?S MOTHER screams at COLE.

MOTHER
(points)
Young man, you?ve really done it now! You are going to the most decent, restricted and best school in the country!

COLE (V.O.)
Is that a good thing?

COLE
What did I do?

MOTHER
(frustrated)
What did you do? What did you do? You ate your dog Cole! You ate our dog! Arrgh!

She runs off frustrated. FATHER enters the room silently and looks at Cole.

FATHER
I don?t know what we?ve done wrong Cole. I hope it will be okay after you?ve finished the school.

FATHER walks out.

COLE
What? It?s not my fault you don?t have anything to eat!

FATHER closes the door.

COLE sighs.

COLE (V.O.)
I can?t help it. I don?t think anyone can. And now I have to switch school again. Oh well, it?s not like I?ll miss my friends anyway.

EXT. BACK YARD ? DAY

EDWARD, 18 years old now, is CRYING HIS HEART OUT on his knees. He?s sobbing and snot and drawl is hanging on his chin. He holds A DOG?S BELT in his arms.

INSIDE

MOTHER and FATHER are holding arms looking at EDWARD. They?re sad.

CUT TO

EXT. ENGLISH STREET, FANCY VILLAGE ? DAY

It?s FALL, leaves are dropping off trees. Mothers are buying groceries or gardening their gardens.

COLE runs on the curb with his backpack and a GROCERY LIST in his hand.

COLE (V.O.)
I?m not allowed to talk to strangers. I?m not allowed to go home with them. I?m not allowed to watch television. I?m not allowed to speak much at all. Not allowed to watch TV, listen to the radio or to listen to the youth.

A woman in her garden watches COLE run by. She recognizes him and backs away, almost afraid.

COLE (V.O.) (cont?d)
Not allowed to say what I think, not allowed to do what I want, always pay for what I get, uhm?

COLE stops and looks around, he needs to pee real bad.

He looks at a nice GARDEN with a woman gardening in it, a TREE, and an expensive CAR parked on the street. The GARDEN is closest.

COLE takes two steps and UNZIPS. He PEES against the fence and bushes of the garden, to the surprise of the woman!

The woman runs up to COLE and starts shouting.

COLE (V.O.)
Oh yeah... Not allowed to say hello to Jan Doodle whenever I need to.
(unzips)
Keep forgetting that one.

COLE runs away. The WOMAN looks mad and is amazed by COLE?S action.

INT. GROCERY SHOP ? DAY

COLE hands over money to the old man behind the cash register.

COLE
Here you are Sir.

OLD MAN
Thank you Cole. Tell your mother I said hello.

COLE runs out of the shop.

COLE
(shouts back to the OLD MAN)
I?ll forget it.

The old man shakes his head remorseful as COLE leaves the shop.

EXT. OUTSIDE GROCERY SHOP ? DAY

COLE runs down the curb, not caring much about the other folks who?re also using their legs to get somewhere.

A group of TEEN FRIENDS is hanging around in front of a mega store. A few of them are looking at TV?s through the shop window.

COLE slows down, attracted to the TEENS, and the TV?s. The TEENS don?t pay attention to little COLE.

COLE (V.O.)
(reminds himself)
I?m not allowed to listen to the youth or watch television.

A pretty girl, ANGELA, notices Cole.

ANGELA
What?s the matter kid, afraid of the big boys?

COLE (V.O.)
Not allowed to talk to strangers or speak much at all.

COLE shakes his head.

ANGELA
What?s the matter then kiddo?

COLE stops walking and shrugs his shoulders.

COLE looks with great admiration at the TELEVISONS.

ANGELA looks over her shoulder to see where COLE is looking at.

ANGELA
What? Haven?t you ever seen a telly before?

COLE
(looking at the TV?s)
I?ve seen them. But I?m not allowed to watch television. We don?t have a TV at home either.

ANGELA
Why not?

COLE
My parents. They?re afraid of me imitating things I see on the Television.

ANGELA
(laughs)
Every parent is.

ON THE TV: a bad SOAP. A boy just broke up with a girl. The girls crying all soap-like.

A BOY, TERRY, who watches TV smiles.

TERRY
Goddang!, I sooo want to DO her!

COLE doesn?t understand what TERRY just said.

COLE
(to Angela)
What did he just say now?

ANGELA
He said,
(imitates TERRY)
?Goddang, I soooooo want to DO her!?

COLE
(doesn?t understand the word)
Goddang?

ANGELA
(doesn?t get what Cole?s getting at)
What?

COLE
Goddang?

ANGELA
You really have very strict parents don?t you kiddo?

COLE
I don?t know. Why would God **** him if he does her?

ANGELA
(bends over and whispers to Cole)
Look, ?Goddang? is a curse. You say it when, say, you?ve just hit your head to the wall by accident, or when, like Terry there just did, are having great feelings towards something and want to express them in one word.

COLE nods understanding. He is learning one of his biggest lessons right now.

ANGELA
And ?doing someone??
(she thinks)
? ask your mum and dad how they got you.

ANGELA smiles and squeezes COLE?S cheek.

COLE
Quit it. I?m not a little boy.

COLE runs off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right on. I've already posted the 2nd script, with Todd walking through school and being real special and stuff, but I've changed it into this (and thats all i have right now.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INT. MEN?S TOILET IN SCHOOL. DAY

FADE IN on?

? An unclean men?s toilet. The cabinet of the toilet is pretty clean, apart from the graffiti.

SPLASH. The sound of something dropping in water from the cabinet next door.

The door of the men?s room OPENS, and A BOY walks in.

He?s smaller than average, has a kind face and wears baggy clothes.

The boy stands still and LISTENS. Then SPLASH. Something drops in water again.

The boy smiles and DUCKS to see if there?s someone on the toi-let. He sees TWO SHOES with PANTS pulled down inside a cabi-net.

BOY
(stands up again)
Hey.

He doesn?t get an answer.

BOY
(as if he?s confirming stories)
You really **** here every day don?t you?

VOICE (O.S)
What?

BOY
You?re new here right?

(beat)

BOY(cont?d)
And you?ve been ******** here each day since your arrival?

VOICE (O.S)
Who the **** are you?

BOY
Hey, it?s just a question.

The BOY?S smile grows bigger.

BOY
It?s just that you?re the only one who does that.

VOICE (O.S)
Everyone does it.

BOY
Not in school they don?t.

VOICE (O.S)
Well that?s their problem.

BOY
I guess. Good luck there man.

The boy walks out.

INT. CABINET

TODD, a boy aged 17 is taking a **** in school. He?s bored, and sits on his elbow, looking at the graffiti on the door.

TODD is a handsome young man, looking older than he really is. He didn?t pay much attention to his hair.

ON THE DOOR: several love declarations, teacher hatings and party invitations. There are a few drawings of teachers with knives chopped into their heads.

TODD pulls a pencil out of his pants, and writes ?How come there?s so much on this door when you never **** here?? right under the words ?Satan will come?.

TODD frowns his eyebrows, bored.

TODD
(whispers)
Satan will come?

TODD grabs some toilet paper and starts wiping his *** .

TODD
(whispers)
What an *** .

INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR ? DAY

TODD closes the MENS ROOM DOOR. It?s school break and every-one?s walking around or going to the cafeteria.

TODD is muscled (not gym muscled), tall and dark. He has an overpowering dark appearance. The BOY is waiting outside talk-ing with TWO GIRLS.

BOY
That?s him ?

Points with his head.

BOY (cont?d)
?**** that?s him? He?s huge! I hope he doesn?t recognize me.

The girls laugh.

TODD walks through the corridor, bored. He doesn?t notice that almost everyone looks at him.

EXT. SCHOOL ? DAY

Break time. It?s rather quiet just outside of school, only a few students spend their breaks outside.

TODD sits on a bench, on a grass field next to the curb. On his own.

THE SCHOOL DOOR FLIES OPEN. A young boy is thrown on his back by a force:

Four BLACK (wannabe)GANSTERS. They have fancy hats and eye-brows.

TODD eyes the happening with boredom, AS?

?the YOUNG BOY is KICKED in the stomach.

YOUNG BOY
(coughs)
Aww **** I didn?t do ?nything.

GANGSTER SHAQ
(kicks in stomach)
Did I ask you sumpthin??

The young BOY shakes his head. He tries to seek eye contact with TODD. No luck, TODD doesn?t look at him.
GANGSTER EMIL grabs the BOY by his neck and lifts him up, only to PUNCH him in the stomach again. The BOY crumbles on the ground.

GANGSTER EMIL
(flips out STILETTO)
Next time you listen a?ight?

Gangster EMIL LIFTS the boy up again. The boy desperately looks at TODD ? who?s back to eating his sandwich.

GANGSER EMIL punches the boy again. The gangsters go back in-side and leave the boy lying in front of TODD.

TODD, chewing and bored, looks at the boy but doesn?t care.

TODD
(shaking his head, despising)
Weak people.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last one is in dutch so i wont bother you with that. I've you've read it, thanks a lot, i know its a lot to read, but thanks anyways. And if you think they are not up to the standard of film school or whatever, i dont mind you saying so but at least try to say which you prefer.

I prefer the 'no conciense' one, i'm trying to get everything as serious as possible and then have the boy in it, being totally different. Plus its comedy, i think i'm better writing that then something serious. I also like my angel thing, but that one's really hard, the plot afterwards and all that. Well thanks if you reply. Hugs and kisses.

Oh and how much does adobe premiere cost?

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 16, 2003 12:11 PM: Message edited by: emjen ]</font>

[nicolas_arson]

hey. i like it.
not much else i can say as im fairly amatuer myself.
wot film school u goin to?
i got adobe premiere free as my good frined alex d/loaded it and put it on a disc 4 me.
id b happy to send u a copy but i doubt ud wanna giv yor address out.

good luck anyway

[emjen]

well there's at least one person who replied...

i live in holland so sending a copy would cost you alot. Thanks anyways.

Oh and btw i plan on shooting the third idea.

[Ralph Snart]

It seems ok.

I really do not know what anyone else thinks, however.

Ralph's thoery #56778901224

This is going to take longer but.

Scene: Grocery store: Checkout Lane:

Two men are standing in line holding items.
Man 1 is behind man 2 in line.

Register sounds, muzac in background.

Register Lady: (blandly) "That will be (Squinting)
um. (pausing) $37.50. (Stops squinting and looks at the customer) (Brightly but confused) please?


Man 2 is about to say something when man 1 taps him violently on the shoulder.

Man 2: (turning his head to peer at man 1) "I..." (and is cut off abruptly)

Man 1: (Gestulating with both hands in a point like the prow of a ship) "You knoW When DUcks fly overhead in a bIG V.?" (this statement is delivered as a question and a statement with the excitement and verve of a suicide bomber asking directions)


It's an old exercise.

the whole joke is:
you know when Ducks fly overhead in a big v?
yes.
ever notice how one of the lines is longer?
sometimes.
you know why that is?
no.
More ducks in that line.

[emjen]

Dang, this is what I have of this now. I'm a bit doubting wether this is good or not. For some reason it doesn't feel exactly right. What do you think about it?

-------------------

THE SEVEN ANGELS

INT. MEN?S TOILET IN SCHOOL. DAY

FADE IN on?

? An unclean men?s toilet. The cabinet of the toilet is pretty clean, apart from the graffiti.

SPLASH. The sound of something dropping in water from the cabinet next door.

The door of the men?s room OPENS, and A BOY walks in. His name is JEREMY.

He?s smaller than average, has a kind face and wears baggy clothes.

JEREMY stands still and LISTENS. Then SPLASH. Something drops in water again.

JEREMY smiles and DUCKS to see if there?s someone on the toi-let. He sees TWO SHOES with PANTS pulled down inside a cabi-net.

JEREMY
(stands up again)
Hey.

He doesn?t get an answer.

JEREMY
(as if he?s confirming stories)
You really **** here every day don?t you?

VOICE (O.S)
What?

JEREMY
You?re new here right?

(beat)

JEREMY (cont?d)
And you?ve been ******** here each day since your arrival?

JEREMY(O.S)
Who the **** are you?

JEREMY
Hey, it?s just a question.

JEREMY?S smile grows bigger.

JEREMY
It?s just that you?re the only one who does that.

VOICE (O.S)
Everyone does it.

JEREMY
Not in school they don?t.

VOICE (O.S)
Well that?s their problem.

JEREMY
I guess. Good luck there man.

JEREMY walks out.

INT. CABINET

TODD, a boy aged 17 is taking a **** in school. He?s bored, and sits on his elbow, looking at the graffiti on the door.

TODD is a handsome young man, looking older than he really is. He didn?t pay much attention to his hair.

ON THE DOOR: several love declarations, teacher hatings and party invitations. There are a few drawings of teachers with knives chopped into their heads.

TODD pulls a pencil out of his pants, and writes ?How come there?s so much on this door when you never **** here?? right under the words ?Satan will come?.

TODD frowns his eyebrows, bored.

TODD
(whispers)
Satan will come?

TODD grabs some toilet paper and starts wiping his *** .

TODD
(whispers)
What an *** .

INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR ? DAY

TODD closes the MENS ROOM DOOR. It?s school break and every-one?s walking around or going to the cafeteria.

TODD is muscled (not gym muscled), tall and dark. He has an overpowering dark appearance. The BOY is waiting outside talk-ing with TWO GIRLS.

JEREMY
That?s him ?

Points with his head.

JEREMY(cont?d)
?**** that?s him? He?s huge! I hope he doesn?t recognize me.

The girls laugh.

TODD walks through the corridor, bored. He doesn?t notice that almost everyone looks at him.

EXT. SCHOOL ? DAY

Break time. It?s rather quiet just outside of school, only a few students spend their breaks outside.

TODD sits on a bench, on a grass field next to the curb. On his own.

THE SCHOOL DOOR FLIES OPEN. A young boy is thrown on his back by a force:

Four BLACK (wannabe)GANSTERS. They have fancy hats and eye-brows.

TODD eyes the happening with boredom, AS?

?the YOUNG BOY is KICKED in the stomach.

YOUNG BOY
(coughs)
Aww **** I didn?t do ?nything.

GANGSTER SHAQ
(kicks in stomach)
Did I ask you sumpthin??

The young BOY shakes his head. He tries to seek eye contact with TODD. No luck, TODD doesn?t look at him.

GANGSTER EMILE grabs the BOY by his neck and lifts him up, only to PUNCH him in the stomach again. The BOY crumbles on the ground.

GANGSTER EMILE
(flips out STILETTO)
Next time you listen a?ight?

Gangster EMILE LIFTS the boy up again. The boy desperately looks at TODD ? who?s back to eating his sandwich.

GANGSER EMILE punches the boy again. The gangsters go back in-side and leave the boy lying in front of TODD.

TODD, chewing and bored, looks at the boy but doesn?t care.

TODD
(shaking his head, despising)
Weak people.

INT. SCHOOL, GYMN HALL ? DAY

Students are practicing their sports, boys are playing basket-ball, girls are working on their cheerleading (and not doing a good job), and others are having gym class of a teacher.

TODD sits on the STAND with his clothes on. His bitter eyes stare forward.

One of the black basketball players yells at Todd.

BASKETBALL PLAYER
Hey! New guy? Why don?t you play with us? You?re pretty big.

TODD looks at the Player without changing his expression.

TODD
No.

BASKETBALL PLAYER
(whispers)
Pfff? Your own choice my man.

INT. BOYS LOCKER ROOM ? DAY

Everyone?s (un)dressing or taking a shower when TODD walks in. TODD walks to the wall farthest away form the guys and leans to it.

GANGSTER EMILE walks up to TODD, followed by the BASKETBALL PLAYER (COLE) and SHAQ.

EMILE
What?s up.

TODD
Hey.

EMILE
Why didn?t you play along?

TODD looks at Emile and the other two guys, not caring at all.

TODD
It?s my knees.

EMILE
Your knees huh? Why didn?t you say that when my friend Cole asked you to play?

TODD
It was unnecessary.

EMILE
Do you think you?re better than him huh? New guy? You think you?re bet-ter than us? Huh?

TODD doesn?t answer.

EMILE
I ain?t hearin anythin?. You know what I think new guy? I think you?re full-a-**** . I bet you ain?t gonna take no shower ?cuz you?re ashamed of what?s in your pants. Shorty.

They?re getting more attention from the fellow students.

TODD
Oh.

EMILE
Fuckin? wuss. You ain?t nothin? better than us. I ain?t fallin? for that knee **** . Come on pull down your pants. Pull them down shorty.

The three black ?gangsters? are closing in on Todd, acting like a real gang from the ghetto.

TODD is still not caring. He looks EMILE in the eye for a few seconds, and then SMILES.

TODD
Pathetic.

TODD turns his back to the gangsters and walks away ? insult-ing Emile.

EMILE runs after Todd and GRABS him by his arm to turn Todd around ?

TODD
Don?t ******* touch me!

TODD turns around and PUNCHES Emile to the ground with one blow!

TODD walks away, and the rest of the boys look at the infamous gangster Emile, lying knocked out on the floor.

JEREMY looks in awe at Todd, yet there?s some fear in his eyes.

EXT. OUTSIDE SCHOOL ? DAY

School?s out and everyone goes home.
Just around the corner WALKS TODD.

JEREMY rushes up to him.

JEREMY
Hey! Hey!

TODD looks back.

JEREMY
Wait up.

TODD waits.

JEREMY
(slows down)
Hey.

TODD
(not caring)
Do I know you?

JEREMY
No. Ehm? no. Well we?ve talked, but you don?t know me. I?m Jeremy.

JEREMY holds out his hand, but TODD ignores it.

They continue to walk.

TODD
You?re that bathroom guy.

JEREMY
Yes. And who are you? I mean what?s your name?

TODD
Todd.

JEREMY
Well it?s a pleasure to meet you Todd.

TODD doesn?t respond, making JEREMY feel awkward.

JEREMY
Well uhm the reason why I came to you is ?

TODD
What?

JEREMY
You?re new here. There are some ru-mors about you. You don?t have any friends? right?

TODD
Get to the point.

JEREMY
Well that guy you punched today, Emile. I think you might get into trouble with that. Emile and his mates are troublemakers.

TODD
(smiles)
I am so scared.

JEREMY
Well you should be careful. I bet you?ve offended that dude like a ***** .
(laughs)
You?ve dishonored him.
(getting serious again)
You knocked him out in one punch.

TODD
Detective Jeremy.

JEREMY
That?s pretty cool. You?re the first one who?s done that. Are you a boxer or something?
(imitates a boxer)

They stop at a busy crossroad.

TODD
What?s your ******* point?

JEREMY
Uhm? Well I warned you. You should be careful with those guys. They have more friends outside of school too.

TODD
Do I look like I ******* care? I don?t give a ******* **** about those stupid wannabe gangsters who think they own the school. If they ever get in my way again I?m go-ing to ******* kill them.

JEREMY is a bit scared by TODD going mad like this all of a sudden.

TODD
(crosses the road)
I don?t need your ******* advice too.

JEREMY is left behind, disappointed and confused.

EXT. IN THE CITY ? DAY (LATER)

TODD walks on the quiet curb. This part of the city is grim and filthy. There are no happy children playing outside here.

TODD doesn?t look happy nor sad, he?s just walking from A to B. He looks up to see A CHURCH over the rooftops. TODD crosses the road.

TODD turns around the corner and PAUSES. There is something at the other side of the road. TODD doesn?t want to look but the attraction is too great ? when TODD looks to the left he SEES?

?nothing!

Then A FLASH BACK:

A six year old TODD stands on the exact same spot, and looks TERRIFIED.

On the road is a CAR standing still with BLOOD on the front window. There are people screaming.

EXT. IN THE CITY (cont?d)

TODD walks further, heading for the church.

INT. CHURCH ? DAY

The church is dark, candles are lit on the sides. There are a few people praying.

TODD enters. As soon as he steps in he feels easier, as if a weight gets off his chest.

TODD walks forward, towards the altar. The praying people glance at Todd, brought out of their concentration.

Instead of going to the altar TODD goes to the right and opens a door.

EXT. GRAVEYARD ? (cont?d)

TODD walks through the graveyard. It hasn?t been kept up to date and moss, weeds and grass is growing out of proportion all over the place. It?s a weird thing, a graveyard like this in a city.

TODD feels strangely comfortable. He knows where he?s going. He walks on (what?s left of) the main path and makes a right. When he takes the right path TODD sees the shape of a MAN.

TODD is a bit surprised, no one ever comes in this graveyard. He walks further looking at the MAN, who?s standing still, waiting. As Todd walks further the shape of an old man becomes visible. The old man wears old clothes, a long coat and an (old) expensive suit.

The old MAN is waiting exactly where TODD was planning to go to, in front of a GRAVE.

TODD waits for an explanation.

THE OLD MAN
Time is nigh.

TODD looks without understanding.

THE OLD MAN
Don?t fear death.

The OLD MAN leaves.

TODD
Is it ?warn? day or something? **** .

[Curtin-Parloe]

I think I'd forget about the p00ing bit, unless you're going for shock value [img]smile.gif[/img]

I love the hitman wannabe idea.

Paul